Hythe Cricket & Squash Club
The Grove • Hythe • CT21 6AX
Tel: 01303 267 458
Penned by Julian Belcher
Thai Girls, and Milk floats A Racketball story.
I nicked my first vehicle at about the age of five, I didn’t really mean to steal it, only help our milkman by moving his float along the road a little, he often let me assist him and I was adept at applying and releasing the brake as well as delivering the odd bottle of silver-top to a doorstep, he even let me wear his cap and I had decided that my career would be based around the provision of dairy products. So it was natural that I should take more responsibility and move the float; I had seen how it was done, and was completely confident that I had the skill set. It became apparent that my confidence may have been misplaced when after releasing the brake and pressing the accelerator by standing on it, the thing lurched away leaving small piles of empties smashed in the road, whilst I hung grimly onto the wheel with the cap now over my eyes until with a thump and a rustle we became embedded in Mrs Scott’s (2 pints with extra gold top on Saturdays) Privet hedge and my career was over before it had really started. Now you may ask yourself what this little story has to do with a Racketball match held about sixty-five years later, and the answer is nothing, but it may allow you to forgive a very dodgy metaphor that will be employed a little later.
The Hythe One and a half team played a home match against their local rivals Folkestone on Tuesday evening, and as most team members knew and had played each other over the years there was much hand shaking beforehand. This turned out to be the best win of the season for Hythe with two three nil victories book-ended by a three two win and a three two defeat.
The match of the night was without doubt the clash between Dave Brewer and Mark Roberts, both Number One’s running hard to retrieve and stay in rallies they should have lost. Dave has been playing in Dover for the last couple of months and has developed a very reliable drop-shot to complement his hard-hitting game, Mark, a more classic player had no obvious weaknesses, retrieving and attacking as needed throughout a match played with goodwill and humour, with Dave eventually sneaking over the line to win a very tight fifth game.
Earlier, a slightly under par Julian Belcher had taken on Adam Harris, in a match-up seeming to have been chosen by bulk rather than ability. “This court seems small” commented Adam. “I think it’s that we are quite wide” replied Julian…The milk floats had arrived. Chink, clink, 2 pints of gold top, occasional collisions and always a little bit in the way, the marker was kept busy and was mercilessly barracked by the gallery who seemed to be enjoying the mess that passed for a match. Oof, ugh another collision, reverse beepers on. No eggs today, “no let,” Adam in the end winning what will surely go down in history as the battle of the bulge (I believe that this name may have already been used. Ed)
Philip Carter had a more straightforward victory as using a mixture of accurate dropshots and a very good length he cruised home without seemingly breaking too much of a sweat.
Next we had a new recruit in the shape of southpaw (sexy boy) Simon Dumbleton, his pile-driver forehand immediately causing his opponent problems, he also showed a surprising deftness of touch with a mixture of drops and boasts at the front of the court, it seemed however that he did not want to win each game easily losing a number of points at game and match ball before getting the job done.
Later in the bar as the two teams hoovered up another excellent curry from the Everest Inn, Philip and his fellow chairman sat and gazed into each other’s eyes, we were fairly convinced that there may have been some hand-holding, as they gave a whole new meaning to Mandate. Meanwhile the two big units worked on eating the food (Thirds anyone?) and the subject turned to holidays “I’ve been to Thailand twice, they called me sexy boy!” said Simon and suddenly we were all interested as beers were put down and conjecture began. The working hypothesis is that somewhere in Thailand there is a small group of overly tall left-handed locals with semi- European features. Simon is unfortunately unable to confirm or deny this as he is unable to return due to excessively high quotations for medical insurance.
There you have it, I have scratched an itch, and so it seems has Simon!
PS I also know most of the words to Ernie (the fastest milkman in the west) I didn’t go out much when I was a lad!
10/12/2022
June 2025
May 2025
April 2025
March 2025
February 2025
January 2025
December 2024
November 2024
July 2024
June 2024
May 2024
April 2024
March 2024
February 2024
January 2024
December 2023
November 2023
October 2023
September 2023
August 2023
July 2023
June 2023
May 2023
April 2023
March 2023
February 2023
January 2023
December 2022
November 2022
October 2022
September 2022
August 2022
July 2022
June 2022
May 2022
April 2022
March 2022
February 2022
January 2022
December 2021
November 2021
October 2021
September 2021
August 2021
July 2021
June 2021
May 2021
April 2021
March 2021
February 2021
January 2021
December 2020
November 2020
October 2020
September 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
Hotmail/Outlook Users
GMail Users
Other email service providers may have similar settings -- please follow their instructions. If not, contact their support desk and request delivery of messages from hythesquash@no-reply.mycourts.co.uk.
